The Honest To God Truth

I’m Just Saying!

Today is a new day and I really would love to find a way to turn this Holiday around for My hubby and I. He has issues with this time of year because of his past and so do i . Right this moment I am in my den and he is in his man cave we both have a bottle (we dont drink much at all) and we are just in a mood. I know I was a bit negative before with my feelings and the past but I know this cant be healthy. I mean really why are we so hard up about things we cant change from the past. His story is wayyyyyy more intense than mine and knowing his story has actually made me change my tone. This is the first Christmas we are together as a married couple. WE need to start our own traditions. Granite there have been alot going on within our lives right now we are still blessed. WE have still been provided with much more than either of us thought we could have. WE are highly favored. I want to change our moods and minds about Christmas we are better than this pity party we are having .

Marriage has changed our lives quite a bit, i mean everyone always said that once u two get married things will change. I always thought they meant we would change toward each other and i tried to toss that notion to the very back of my brain. I feel that we are an awesome example of communication in a relationship. I have learned in this past 4 months of marriage that its not us that changed its the “friends” around us that changed. EVeryone uses the excuse that we stay away because u guys are married, hell we have been living together for 4 years nothing on our end has changed except my last name. WE are still the same people. So now honestly i really dont have friends. ITs ok though i was never one that needed a big group around me to feel good but this sudden lack of crazy friends is a bit of a shock. My honey and i are best friends and i guess this is gods way of helping us depend on him and each other more and i wont question it , i just wish i would have gotten a better warning lol. Married vets, how do u guys get past this stage . Will we ever meet other ppl again lol.

Leave a comment »

A small teaser from my book “Sincerely Dishonest”

“What the fuck!” Why they bothering me today of all days. I really don’t have time for this shit. Why is it every time I’m in a rush these assholes want to try and fill a damn quota?
“Okay boys lets make this quick”. I’m late, I have less than 15 minutes to be at my meeting with my contractor Tom, damn he’s going to be pissed. This will be my second time late and even though I am the boss he is the best contractor in Chicago and he is the only person I will trust to build my newest investment 3 Niveles De Extasis, meaning Three Levels of Ecstasy in Spanish Its going to be 4 clubs in one. On the first floor there will be a neo soul, and R&B vibe, not that crazy cracked out music they’re playing today. I’m a 80s baby so only real music will be approved personally by me. Upstairs will be a reggae club, tantalizing slow-grinding reggae sounds that are sure to attract only the super sexy and soulful. On the third floor a Jazz club with live music every night surely the entire building will be filled with only the Grown and Sexy 25 and older. On the first floor behind the R&B club will be a private club with only a back door entrance, it’s what I will call The Pleasure Dome. There is a huge deck off the back of the club that’s literally covered by a huge custom dome. The theme is simply paradise complete with a huge pool made to look your walking right out onto peaceful waters, the floors are covered with black sand. There are poolside bars and looking up toward the dome your eyes will dazzle from the dark sky and stars that my contractor is creating with crystal clear glass perfectly crafted to look as if there Is nothing separating you from the beautifully dark blue sky. Along the outside of the pool there are 32 floating beds to be enjoyed by members only. The only rules in this part of my club is, No means No , Members only, What’s done in the Dome stays in the Dome, and most importantly protection will be placed in free despensers throughout the club.

This will be my 3rd club that I have built from the ground up in the past 4 years and I’m only 25 years old. I am truly proud of myself and my accomplishments. Too bad these poo butts behind me don’t see it that way.

I look in my rearview mirror, turning my head slightly. I didn’t want to make any sudden moves I am far from a fool. I wanted to see what was taking them so long to come to my window.

“WHAT IN THE HELL” I say out loud at what I saw.
There are 4 police cars parked behind me flashing there lights and at least 6 officers standing outside of the cars with there guns drawn and pointing directly at me. My stomach dropped to my feet

“Really all this for a damn traffic stop” I couldn’t help but shake my head in disbelief.

“Driver open your door and show me your hand, SLOWLY” someone demanded from one of the cars behind me.

About to piss on myself I did as I was told and waited on my next command. But just so that it is clear; This is some bullshit!

“Driver with your hands above your head step out of your vehicle and turn with your back facing me ” Again I did what I was told and got out of my truck. I hear someone walking up behind me and my body tensed up instantly.

“Is there anything on you or in the vehicle that I need to know about maam?” A female voice with a slight Latino accent says seeming very close to me. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my neck. I never even heard her walking up.

“No” I answered sounding like a little child being scorned by her mother.

“Is there anything sharp in your pockets that I can hurt myself on while I’m frisking you Maam?”

“No. Can you tell me ……”

“Maam please just answer the questions I ask other than that please remain quiet during this Investigation” she cut me off.

INVESTIGATION rang in my ears like a screaming alarm clock ” Miss this has to be a mistake……”

“MAAM” she raised her voice “we can either do this the easy way or the hard way this is my final time warning you. Please remain quiet until I ask you a damn question” this bitch is really about to go on my hit list. What fucking investigation is she talking about? What the hell is she investigating? My hands have been clean forever now. Shit I got money I don’t need to do no sneaky shit I’m good. What in the hell could they be investigating?

The officer began to do her frisk. She didn’t miss an inch of my body. If you ask me she enjoyed getting free feels off me. This is probably some type of sick fetish this bitch got. Probably the only reason she is even doing this job. But I will admit she smelled nice though, something I have never smelled before. When she made it around to my front half and I finally saw her face, I was pleasantly surprised. She was definetely Latina. She had a light mocha skin complexion and long dark hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. She had nice full lips and thick shiny gloss covering them. She was thick but not fat at all she had a flat stomach and coke bottle shape. I have to admit she is Sexy.

After she finished her frisk she forced me in handcuffs and started walking me toward the curb. “Have a seat maam until our investigation is complete.” she pretty much pushed me down on the curb and nodded her head to the other officers which made them drop there guns, but they all started toward my truck. Once she was out of earshot I took the opportunity to ask one of the other officers walking by “Am I being arrested for something?” His only response was a cold stare and then he turned and walked away leaving me looking stupid. The officers were all over my brand new white on white range rover these damn dummies started ripping my truck apart. What in the hell are they looking for? This is a brand new truck. It still has 30day tags on it. I sat there looking helplessly as my truck was certainly being disrespected in the worse way. They looked like they had given up until one of them went to the back of the truck and started looking in my spare tire area and his eyes lit up like a fat kid locked in a bakery. What the hell was he so excited I wanted to know what was making him so charged. Knowing this couldn’t mean anything good for me but still itching to know what the hell he was so fascinated by, I eased my body upward and tried stretching my neck as far as I could and I still couldn’t see what he had found. Fuck this just sitting here and watching mess, they have to tell me something.

“Sir what are you all looking for?” I yelled getting fucking irritated with all this BS. The officer looked up at me with a dumb ass grin on his face and said “We just found it”

“Found what” I countered

“No need to play dumb Miss.” He said with that same stupid ass grin on his face.

“Well call me boo boo the fucking fool cause I don’t know what the hell you are talking about”

“Oh you don’t huh?” The officer said and started to smile even harder as he pulled the contents of my truck in plain view. My head started to spin and it seemed like someone had just walked up and taken the breath completely from my entire body. My body fell limp.

Let Me know what you think. Its my baby my newborn and I’m 35 chapters in let me know if you want more. Thx Be Blessed.

Leave a comment »

I’m Just BEing Honest!

Just to get up in the morning and know that i have never had a “great Christmas” Kinda hurts, I mean as a child my Christmas’ were pretty much spent at church, after about the age 13 I pretty much gave up on the notion that there was truly a happy and MERRY christmas. Sure each christmas i am grateful for life and the things that i have and that ppl that made it through my cuts this year but to have a happy and magical Christmas i cant say that i have had one. No traditions no big family meals or trimming the tree seeing christmas carols. I know this all sounds like I’m whining but hell its my blog i can whine if i want to . It sounds like a fairytale something you would see in a movie . But ummm who said that I’m not worthy of 1 special Christmas. HMMMMM….. I deserve it . I have worked hard all these years and everytime Christmas comes around some off the wall as bill comes along. I could have my mind made up of what i am going to get everyone have it all planned out and everything and something ALWAYS comes up. I would be happy giving out gifts and not getting a thing in return, just to let people i care about know that “hey was in the store i saw this and thought about you”. But something always happens that prevents me from getting anyone anything. That hurts. No bs, see I remember when i was 13 and my mom made my brother and I watch our youngest brother sit there on Christmas and watch him open all his gifts. She wouldnt just let us lay down all day and be there as punishment for whatever in the hell it was we did (not a damn thing) She made us sit there until he opened every gift and gave us nothing, even to this day she wont admit it. LOl, I think that day just effed up the holidays for me. Dont get me wrong my mother can be one sweetest and most caring people on earth. But it seems like she can be like that to everyone but me. But thats another post for another day…..

Like this year i got laid off work December 4th along with 75 of my co-workers. We worked hard for that company for years took all there bs and still they kicked us out with 1 months severance and a serious “we dont give a damn ” attitude. Right before Christmas Though?

So much for me trying to make this a magical 1st Christmas for my husband and I as a married couple. O – wait not to mention my brother came down here complained about us needing more space and how with the three of us we can truly afford something bigger and better. So in this order shit hits the fan.

We sign the lease for the new place.

I get laid off

my brother falls asleep at work and gets fired

we move in

after 1 night in the new house my brother says he needs a break and wants to go back home to chicago for a week

Next day he has my mom call to tell me he is confused and does not know if he wants to come back. !?!?!?!?!?

I get upset when my mother tries to tell me how i am wrong for being upset with my brother and curses me out because i am worried about how our bills will be paid with 1 income.

Today is December 23rd 2013 the first event happened December 4th and this shit has not stopped.


But the 1 who is there for me through it all telling me it will be ok. My wonderful husband and of course GOd. Somehow I am going to get through this.


I want even if its only once a magical Christmas with a family , a tree, presents, love, and trust thoughout the home. I want a family i want my own kids and traditions again another blog for another time .

Be blessed hope u enjoyed. Come back for another rant soon you never know what you learn about me.

MErry Christmas!!!!!!!


Leave a comment »